Sometimes, what feels like love can turn out to be nothing more than an illusion. Something we want so badly to be real that we ignore the signs that point otherwise. Delusionship is this kind of one-sided, imagined connection. A relationship where one person believes there’s something more than friendship or casual interaction. While the other person simply isn’t as invested. If you’ve ever found yourself overthinking every conversation, obsessively analyzing every gesture, or questioning why you’re always the one putting in all the effort, you might be in a delusionship. Here are five signs to help you determine whether love was never real and what to do if you find yourself stuck in this emotional rollercoaster.
For more relationship advice, check out: «What is the three-month rule in dating?» and «How to Successfully Navigate the 7 Stages of a Breakup.»
Delusionship 1. You’re Always the One Initiating Everything
One of the clearest signs of a delusionship is that you’re always the one taking the initiative. You send the texts, make the plans, suggest spending time together, and put in the effort to keep the relationship alive. Whether it’s a casual hangout or making plans for a special event like a concert, you’re the one pulling all the strings.
It’s easy to convince yourself that they’re just laid-back or busy. But when you’re the only one initiating, it points to a deeper imbalance in the relationship. The harsh truth is that people make time for the things that matter to them. And if they’re not putting in any effort to spend time with you, it might be because they don’t feel the same way.
What to Do:
Take a step back. If you stop initiating contact or plans, see what happens. Do they step up and take the lead, or do they let the relationship fizzle out? This break in action can reveal a lot about where you truly stand.
Delusionship 2. You’re Constantly Second-Guessing Their Feelings
In a healthy relationship, there’s a mutual understanding of where both parties stand. You don’t spend every day wondering, do they like me or not? You just know. However, in a delusionship, you’re left guessing all the time. You might overanalyze every little thing they say or do, hoping to find clues that they care about you as much as you care about them.
You feel a burst of hope when they give you attention, but it’s usually short-lived and inconsistent. One day, they’re laughing with you and making you feel special. And the next, they’re distant and unresponsive, leaving you in a state of emotional confusion.
What to Do:
Rather than obsessing over their mixed signals, start looking at the bigger picture. Is their behavior consistent with someone who wants to build a relationship? Or is it more like a friend or casual acquaintance who enjoys your company but doesn’t put in extra effort? Pay attention to patterns over time instead of isolated moments.
Delusionship 3. You Feel Like You’re Forcing Yourself Into Their World
Have you ever felt like you’re bending over backward to fit into their life, while they make little to no effort to join yours? In a delusionship, you might find yourself watching their favorite TV shows or learning about their hobbies, even if you’re not particularly interested in them. You might go out of your way to keep up with their passions, their favorite bands, or sport. Yet, when you bring up things that are important to you, their response is lukewarm at best, or dismissive at worst.
You might convince yourself that you’re just trying to bond over shared experiences. But if they’re not showing interest in your world, the balance is off.
What to Do:
It’s important to feel seen and valued in any relationship. Start expressing what you enjoy and see if they show any interest in participating. If they don’t, or if they dismiss your likes as unimportant, consider whether this relationship is fulfilling your emotional needs. You deserve mutual effort and shared experiences—not just fitting into their narrative.
Delusionship 4. Their Body Language Sends Mixed Signals
Body language can often reveal more than words. In a delusionship, you might find their body language to be comfortable and open when you’re spending time together, but without the romantic undertones that would indicate deeper feelings. They’re happy to talk, joke, and maybe even flirt a little, but there’s something missing—an unspoken barrier that suggests they aren’t looking for anything more.
Perhaps when you’re in a group setting, they withdraw a little, especially when you’re talking to other people, especially other men. They might go from being lively and talkative to quiet and distant.
What to Do:
Pay attention to how they behave not only when you’re alone but also in social settings. If there’s a notable shift when other people are around, it could indicate that they’re comfortable with your one-on-one dynamic but aren’t looking for anything deeper.
Delusionship 5. You’re More Invested in the Future Than They Are
A common trait of delusionships is that one person is more invested in the future than the other. You might be imagining future trips, fun dates, while they seem indifferent to making plans. Maybe you’ve talked about going to a concert together, and while they agreed to go, you’re the one driving the excitement, counting down the days and thinking about what it could mean for your relationship.
Meanwhile, they seem to go along with your plans, enjoying the idea but not truly sharing in the anticipation. If you’re the one bringing up the future and they’re just nodding along, it’s a sign that your investment in the relationship isn’t a matched.
What to Do:
Start paying attention to how they respond to future plans. Are they just agreeing to go with the flow, or do they seem genuinely excited to spend that time with you? If they’re not engaging with the future the way you are, it might be time to reevaluate the dynamic and ask yourself whether this relationship has long-term potential.
What to Do If You Realize You’re in a Delusionship
If all the signs point to you being in a delusionship, it can be a tough pill to swallow. Here are some steps to help you move forward:
- Have an Honest Conversation:
Sometimes, the clearest path to closure is communication. Ask them where they see the relationship going, or how they feel about spending time with you. Their response will give you clarity. But you should be prepared for the possibility that they may not feel the same way. - Shift Your Focus to Yourself:
It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s world and forget your own. Start prioritizing your own interests, friends, and passions. The more you focus on yourself, the easier it will be to move away from the emotional grip of the delusionship. - Set Boundaries:
If you’ve been the one always initiating and they’ve been passive, pull back a little. What might work better is setting boundaries around your time and emotional energy. Protect yourself from investing too much in something that isn’t reciprocated. - Recognize Your Worth:
A delusionship can make you feel like you’re always chasing after someone else’s attention and affection. You need to remind yourself that you deserve a relationship where both people are equally invested. - Move On When Necessary:
It might be painful to accept that the connection you felt wasn’t real. But letting go of a delusionship is the first step toward finding something better. By recognizing the signs, you can save yourself from more heartache down the road and open yourself up to real, mutual love.
Conclusion: Trust Your Instincts
Delusionships are emotionally draining because they trick you into believing there’s something there when, in reality, the connection is one-sided. Trust your gut. If you feel like you’re the one doing all the work, constantly second-guessing their feelings, and trying too hard to fit into their world, it’s time to take a step back and reassess.
