What is the three-month rule in dating?

Let’s say you’ve matched with a cute guy on a dating app and have been talking for a couple of weeks now. He is nice and charming, a good texter, you have a lot in common.

First date, second, everything goes so great that you build yourself up to the point that you already have a Pinterest board with your wedding inspo. Guilty, right? But it’s only been less than a month.

You don’t know him that well to be sure that he is the one. So, here is the three-month rule in dating explained to help you navigate your love life.

If you are looking for more love inspiration, check out 15 Things to Talk About for a Better You and 5 Different Love Languages: Explore Yours!

For a good relationship to start, you need to remember that friendship is the basis.

Of course, initial attraction is the key element in that swiping, but building solid ground matters more. At the end of the day, looks fade but that sense of humor and connection you’ve built – stays.

Now, let’s talk about the dating timeline which indicates the rule. Some people prefer starting slow and getting to know each other via text. Some like to skip that part and meet for coffee or dinner.

Whatever style you choose, it’s vital to remember: don’t romanticize and create a version of a person who is closer to your dreams than to reality.

I understand we all want to meet the perfect man. Sometimes we fill in the blanks and create a castle in pink clouds with them on a white horse in the middle. Then these versions come down crashing on us because the real person is not what we imagined them to be.

Get to know one another by asking questions in those three months of dating.

So, instead of overthinking and attributing to them character traits that they (possibly) don’t have, spend your time asking questions during fun dates. I know it sounds so simple and obvious but communication is the key. By doing this, you can find out what you guys have in common. 

So, why the three-month rule?

Three months is a good dating milestone to get to know a person better. You get comfortable around each other, the honeymoon phase wears off, and masks come off. Now you see the sides of each other that you hid in the beginning because we all want to seem better than we are at first. We are looking for an ideal person and trying to be ideal ourselves, there’s nothing wrong with that.

But after 90 days of dating, we know a person well enough to see the type of behavior they have, their quirks, likes and dislikes, and most importantly – how we feel around them. Over these months you communicate the things you prefer to do and have. And if the other person is not putting the effort to get you that, I’m sorry to say this but those things won’t change in the future either.

Progress is earned through dedication.

For instance, it matters to you that a guy puts effort into planning a romantic date for you, that he is a gentleman and takes care of stuff. But the guy you’re seeing right now doesn’t quite have all those qualities.

So, you, being the good communicator that you are, open this conversation and tell him that those things are important to you. However, after listening to you he plans one or two dates and things go back to where they were.

That means he is not your type of person. Because, girl, if he wanted, he would. And people who are trying to convince you otherwise are probably unhappy in their relationships and are trying to get you to their level. Don’t let them do that, you deserve better.

Use this three-month rule to evaluate yourself too.

The benefits of the three-month rule in dating are that it will also give you time to figure out your values, beliefs, and goals, and whether they align. If it turns out that he wants to be a pirate who moves countries every six months and hops from job to job and you want stability and safety – you probably aren’t gonna be compatible in the long run.

Starting a relationship in the hope that the other person will change their mind is a recipe for failure.

In all those compatibility checks you too will see if you still have feelings for that person. The initial three months of dating is a pretty long time to figure out what and how you feel around them. And most importantly, if you want to continue being around them. By that time, butterflies get out of the way, and you can see which feelings were just nerves, excitement, and boredom and which were genuine.

Rule it out: do you like them enough to continue dating?

Communication is not only about asking the other person questions but also asking yourself those questions. Do you like them? Are they making you happy? Do you see a future with them? Can you see past those annoying habits? What is a deal breaker for you?

Sometimes in the pursuit of happiness, we forget to check with ourselves, take time to sit with our feelings, and figure out what we really want. There is a TikTok wisdom that I wrote on a sticker and put on a window in front of my desk to see it every time I look up: 

It is better to be single and wishing to be in a relationship than to be in a relationship and wishing to be alone.

You have a great life and the other person should make it better with their presence. If they’re not adding anything positive to your life, be honest with yourself and with them, have that difficult conversation instead of ghosting, and move forward. Going on dates and looking for the right person is a full-time job. Even if you don’t meet them in the next five first dates, you’ll still have fun stories to share with your girls. 

The dating rules can be broken:

Three months is a timeline that people created to have some specifics in their lives and have a reality check for themselves and their friends. It doesn’t mean that every single relationship has to end or continue after three months and three months only. It can be longer or can be shorter. Every situation is unique, and only you can say what time is right for you.

So, please don’t take this as a hard rule to follow but more of a guideline, a north star that can help you navigate the dating sea and all the fish you’ll catch in your journey. Use these early relationship tips to make sure you’re not staying in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship longer than you want because the internet told you to wait for three months.

Dating recommendations:

As for recommendations, there is a TikTok account that I like where the creator, Danielle Walter, has a series of videos called “Things I wish I knew in my 20s.” Every time her videos pop up on my “for you page”, I know I’m gonna hear some hard truth about my delusions or get great advice from the big sister she is to all of us.

Stay strong, stay safe, stay true to yourself. Your standards are never too high for the right person.